“There’s Probably a Reason Your Mom Hated You": The Retraumatising Messages From Abusive Parents Who Read My Articles
I write to help survivors. But I also write to educate perpetrators. This is what happens when they don’t want to learn.
I began writing in 2020 about my experiences of being estranged from my parents as a result of a lifetime of abuse. It took an indescribable amount of courage not only to write about it but to admit to myself that what happened was wrong. I wrote a piece titled “Why I Distrust Parents of Estranged Children” after hearing about the stories my mother was telling others about me. She was careful to paint herself as the victim in a ploy to discredit anything I could say if I dared to speak out.
I held in my anger for a while until I came across more instances of people telling others about their estranged children. Completely unprovoked, they would launch into stories about how they had no idea why their child had cut contact and how they had been the perfect parent. They would then use the same tactic as my mother by cleverly peppering their story with casual comments discrediting their child:
“They were always a bit selfish.”
