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Being Assertive When You Are Gentle
I grew up being told that I needed to be more assertive. Although this was right, the advice I was given was completely wrong and I struggled through life unnecessarily because of it.
I was bullied a lot as a child and when I expressed how this made me feel I was often given advice such as: “hit them back” and “toughen up.” No matter how much I heard it, I never toughened up and I never hit anyone back. Instead, I started to resent my gentleness and saw it as something that was holding me back.
These messages I received throughout childhood meant I had a lot of misconceptions about assertiveness, which made me believe that I could never be assertive. I have always been very shy and gentle, and I thought assertive people are strong and have big personalities.
However, the dictionary defines assertiveness as “ someone that states their needs and opinions clearly, so that people take notice.” Although this may not be easy for a gentle person to do, it’s not impossible. It may mean that you won’t have the same style of assertiveness as a more confident person, but that doesn’t mean your style is less effective.
My main problem was that I was confusing assertiveness with forcefulness and aggression. Since the beginning of…
