Before I Had You

Life was a lot simpler

Photo by author

Before I had you, I thought I had it all figured out. I had firm ideas of the sort of mother I would be. I wouldn’t be like my mother or her mother. The cycle of mothers not loving their daughters would stop with me.

I had dreams that I would be happy all of the time. I would never complain. I would never feel impatient.

It would be perfect.

Photo by author

As soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew you were a girl. The sixteen-week scan proved my instincts were right.

I was determined to be a good female role model. Someone you could look up to. No matter what life threw at you, I’d be a female influence you could trust.

Photo by author’s husband

And then I had you.

And it wasn’t perfect. My firm ideas on motherhood had to be bent.

I couldn’t be happy all of the time. I couldn’t have a limitless amount of patience. I often complained. I did everything I said I wouldn’t do.